On the way home the other night I decided to stop off at the local bar for a brew. I ended up at the end of the bar talking to a 22 year old guy who just moved to Denver from the east coast by way of oil fields in New Mexico. He told me that he is going to Metro State for a nutrition and physical fitness degree of sorts. I don't remember his name so I will call him Chris. Chris stood about 5'10" and weighed roughly 145 lbs, and this was not okay with him. He wants more.
During this conversation I did not ask him too many detailed questions, just general inquiries... the standard who, what, why, where, when sort of questions. Chris wants to be a gym teacher and help kids achieve their "ideal weight" and "pursue their dreams" of physical stature. These sentiments stuck with me as the days passed. He wasn't and still isn't happy with what he sees in the mirror in the morning or the reactions he may get from other men and women. I do give him this; he is changing what he doesn't like about his image instead of perpetually getting down on himself and doing nothing about it. What I don't like is this; who we are and how we see ourselves is not entirely up to us, it's become more and more up to our surroundings and how others may react to what they see on the surface. I was beginning to internalize Chris' plight and began to think about how it has affected my own life and how I have come to see myself.
I was not unlike Chris growing up, nor my two brothers. I am the middle of three late blooming boys. Entering in to high school my older brother was the smallest human being in the entire school, weighing in at a meager 70 pounds, barely exceeding the five foot mark. I maybe had an inch and five pounds more than he and that's being generous. My little brother was just the same. As every other pubescent teen in high school was gaining muscles, facial hair, and popularity... we were growing more awkward as puberty seemed to have taken the scenic route on the way to our bodies. It wasn't until my senior year that I went from barely 5 foot tall to the 6'1" I am today.
I had held many insecurities about my body during this time. Occasionally it will resurface and when it does I tell myself that as long as I am okay with me, the world should accept it as well. This was not always the case. Living in the suburbs where every thing is cookie cutter, in addition to TV, magazines, movies, commercials, etc., I realized I didn't fit the mold. Flashing images dictate that 6 pack abs and prominent biceps meant popularity and some sort of pseudo social success. Same goes for women; you must have the right curves but not too many, you must have the right make-up but not too much, and in order to have "Prince Charming" you have to be a perfect woman. No flaws allowed, only perfection.
Our society is only to blame for what has been created. We've done it to ourselves. This thought of needing to have the perfect body and face instead of having your own body and face is our fault.&pnbsp; It has created a sort of demonic standard that is nearly impossible to achieve. Western culture has turned the individual to an assembly line of internal and external criterion that is quite disenchanting and effectively ruining the internal desire to become your own person, unique but still a part of a whole. Chuck Klosterman argues that we've become a society of individuals that not only can, but need to be summed up in one word. The walking contradictions of self have been demolished. No longer can you be categorized in a myriad of ways, it has become one. You are one thing, and that one thing better be perfect.
Over the last few years I have come to embrace who I am. It came after years of attempting to fit in. It came when I realized that no matter who I am, no matter what I look like, no matter what persona I display, no matter the clothes I wear, no matter the thoughts in my head... there will be opposition. There will be someone who is different. That is what is beautiful about this world and being a living, breathing, emotional human; that there isn't just one way to be alive and thus there should be no standards of aesthetics. Come to surround yourself with people who embrace you as you are. Forego the ideals that come with being a part of a group. Be a human. Be yourself... and love that self that you are inside and out. Remember you're alive, remember you're breathing. Everything else will fall right in to place.
