My Body

A few weeks ago my Human Sexuality class was visited by a fellow named Clint.  Clint is the founder of Boyfriend University and also did work with Family Tree Gemini.  He was brought in to talk to us about body image and how it relates to sexuality.  We started off by closing our eyes as he asked us to focus on each individual part of our body, but in specific steps.  Clint instructed us to focus first on our right big toe, then our next, then each part of our foot... continuing the same process for the left side and the rest of our body.  We were asked to "listen" to what our bodies were telling us, not as merely a whole, but a collective of tiny parts that make up that whole. As I sit and write this right now I am noticing I'm slightly hunched over the keyboard, often times I don't realize it hurts until I think about it.  This was a huge part of what this exercise was all about; paying attention to what your body is telling you instead of relegating it an unconscious part of life.

Our next exercise was to draw how we see ourselves and the messages we've received, either positive or negative, about our bodies and sexuality.  We used only the most proper of art supplies; creme colored construction paper and an array of Crayola products including, but limited to, colored pencils and crayons.  As I attempted to sketch out the best depiction of me that I could, I realized that many of the places on my body that I hated in the past aren't so bad now.  Being skinny had always plagued me with bigger guys thinking that I was a walking invitation for taunts.  I got taller and stayed just as skinny; this did not help me with these problems.  It wasn't until recently (within the past three of four years, age 22 or 23) that I realized that I didn't care what others thought, and that I am happy in my own skin.  I never thought I was "weird" until I was told so and shown what "normal" is.  Quite frankly this is all bullshit.  Without these unreachable societal norms how many people would lead much healthier and productive lives?  Even worse, how many people would still be alive? I just read that there was a 19 year old freshman at Rutgers who jumped off a bridge because of a video taken of him making out with a guy.  There's no reason for this to happen.

It was a nice feeling coming out of this specific class, feeling connected with my body and what it was telling me.  It's a pleasant thought to realize that the parts of me that I shunned in past years are parts that I wouldn't trade now.  I've yet to figure out exactly when it became clear to me that being Me is something I like, but it's here now and I will forever attempt to maintain a sense that the self on display matches the self inside.  I'm aware that this is difficult, for some more than others, but when I feel most comfortable with who I am, I'm more productive at work, home, in relationships.  It allows me to accept love and give it back.  I become optimistic of future, pleased with the present, and accepting of the past...

...Just a few thoughts